Gary Bettman’s Winnipeg Quotes Translated

Not that I’d ever accuse the Commissioner of the National Hockey League of doublespeak. However, I do believe his keynote address at the media conference announcing the NHL’s return to Winnipeg may have been filled with statements that could use some clarification. What follows, are his direct quotes, followed by my interpretations:

“It is clear that times have changed for Winnipeg as an NHL market and this is a wonderful time to add a club to Canada.” – If the Thrashers deal didn’t get done, there are four or five others we could have dropped in here.

“The NHL has a different economic system that allows the so-called ‘smaller markets’ to compete.” – Due to the free fall of the American dollar because of the incredible mismanagement of the U.S. banking system, we no longer refer to the Canadian dollar as a “Mexican subway token.”

Gary Bettman: “Umm, global warming has made Winnipeg just like Vancouver, right?”

“The NHL is coming off another season of record revenues in both Canada and the United States, and our prospects remain extraordinarily bright.” –  With the Canadian dollar flying high, we could move a team to Moose Jaw and make money, if we needed to.

“This venue, the MTS Centre, will be a fine, fine home for an NHL club.” – Did you know there’s a Boston Pizza right in the place?! There’s a Boston Pizza right in the place!!

“And there is the strength of the prospective ownership group.” – I’m hoping to convince David Thomson to buy a few more franchises. Like an art collection.

“…to be candid, this isn’t going to work very well unless this building is sold out every night.” – I know this because I have extensive experience with empty seats. We once…umm..twice..had teams in Atlanta.

“As we have said repeatedly, we don’t like to move franchises. ” – At least, not out of Phoenix.

“As we have said repeatedly, we don’t like to move franchises.” – I don’t own retirement property in Atlanta.

“As we have said repeatedly, we don’t like to move franchises.” – Not my fault. Sometimes franchises let themselves go, stop going to the gym, stop dressing nice for me after a I get home from a hard day of commissioning. Tough love. You’ll thank me later.

“The fans in both cities have been through a lot in the past several weeks and hopefully everyone is now in a position to move forward.” – This doesn’t have to be all weird, right? Let’s be friends, Atlanta.

“We get to be back in a place we wish we hadn’t left in 1996.” – Ya gotta believe me, baby, I’m not the same man! Sure, I left you when you were down on your luck and broke. And, sure, I took the car and all your cd’s…but…but…baby…I’ll never do it again! I’ve chaaaaanged! Come on, now, sugar…I brought you a present….

 [box border=”full”]To read MR. BETTMAN, TEAR DOWN THIS LINE, click here. [/box]

#Winning-peg.

The NHL Returns To Manitoba?

Wonderful development, isn’t it, for a region struggling with a grim annual rite of Spring? Manitoba could use a little good news. The seemingly imminent purchase and move of the Atlanta Thrashers to Winnipeg won’t push back the rising floodwaters of the Assiniboine, but it has got to be tonic for weary Manitobans who, once again, have endured the endless, back-breaking toil of sandbag processions, and will endure the endless, heartbreaking toil of cleaning up after the disaster.

I recall, from afar, the great agony carved on the faces of their dedicated sports fans as, in the summer of 1995, it became apparent that there would be no last-ditch effort to miraculously keep the team from its exodus to the desert, and that they’d be playing one final, bittersweet season. I can vividly recall the rivers of tears on the faces of the faithful as the Jets made their farewell circles on the ice at the old Winnipeg Arena, in April, 1996. Soon after that, the region was hit with the worst Spring flooding it had seen since 1979. Coincidentally, that was the year the Jets joined the NHL.

So, now, it appears big league hockey will return to the land of the Golden Boy and the Golden Jet. Good on them.

 

Winnipeg’s MTS Centre. Brier, 2008.

I’m not from Winnipeg. In fact, I’ve only ever spent a few days total in that city, once when I visited to see a Brier, the other time a Blue Bomber game. I liked it a lot, and enjoyed the hospitality of some of the most wonderful people in the country. Good folks, they are. Hard-working, proud and yes, friendly, as the licence plates advertise.

It feels like a tremendously horrible sporting wrong is about to be righted, as the Jets get set to fly again.

So, chin up, Manitoba. The waters will soon recede, they always do. And you’ll emerge stronger for it. You always do, too. And this time, a great flood can herald the re-emergence of your hockey dreams, as opposed to swallowing them whole and carrying them South.