Tag Archives: Tony Clement

John Baird’s Business Cards: No Big Deal?

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Minister’s business cards are one thing, Lester Pearson’s name is another.

Is it a big deal that John Baird has bucked protocol and put his own personal twist on his business cards?

Sure, they’re just business cards, a few hundred bucks in cost overrun at most. From that angle, it’s not really a big deal at all.

But look at a bigger picture, a wider angle and the answer may not be quite the same.

John Baird. The Honourable "Goldmember" from Ottawa West - Nepean.

Baird and the Conservatives continue their battle against good graces and time worn practices without, it seems, being satiated. This is just the latest in a long line of slaps to the face of Canadian political tradition, history and protocol.

Changing “Government of Canada” to “Harper Government” on official stationery, ending the decades old informal media scrum outside The Commons and replacing it with rigidly controlled media conferences and limiting the number of questions the Prime Minister would answer daily on the election trail all have flown in the face of time-worn Canadian political traditions.

Now this.

According to The Canadian Press, Baird had the word “Canada” erased from his new business cards, shortly after taking the office of Foreign Affairs. To offset that loss, I suppose, he felt it was appropriate to emboss the country’s coat of arms on the cards with gold.

Okay, you might argue that Baird is actually showing the country greater respect, by revving up the coat of arms. I could buy that. If he hadn’t simultaneously removed the word “Canada” as well. Did he think the shiny coat of arms didn’t “pop” enough with the word “Canada” cluttering up the space?

Removing “Canada” and gold embossing the coat of arms were apparently done against the wishes of Treasury Board Officers, whose duty it is to oversee protocols. According to The Canadian Press, the Board noted:

“The wordmark (Canada) is a requirement for ministers, parliamentary secretaries and their offices. … It is worth noting that the prime minister and his office follow these standards.”

And bravo to them for that. But not the Foreign Affairs Minister.

In the end, removing the word “Canada” while sprucing up the nation’s coat of arms doesn’t seem such a dirty crime. The word “Canada,” with a small maple leaf over the last “a” has been traditionally used only since 1980. The coat of arms, much, much longer. Still, is there any doubt that had it been introduced by a Conservative government, it would still appear on the minister’s cards?

Disrespecting Pearson

Baird’s removal of Lester B. Pearson’s name from the address of the Foreign Affairs Ministry is much more heinous and should not be tolerated.

Regardless of political stripe, it’s hard to argue that Pearson wasn’t one of the country’s most accomplished Prime Ministers, at least of the second half of the 20th century. His name on the Foreign Affairs Building is no hollow gesture. He won a Nobel Peace Prize. And earned it. It’s a massive honour, one of which all Canadians can be proud. Attaching his name to the body that represents this country on the world stage is entirely appropriate and it should remain so attached.

Lester Pearson. Someone must have airbrushed over his "Pearson Government" sign.

Just the way the name of John Diefenbaker deserves to be attached to the building next to Pearson’s. The Government of Canada recently announced that it would be so. As well, earlier this year, they announced plans to create a human rights award in his honour and name a new polar icebreaker after Canada’s 13th Prime Minister.

Because in the end, our accomplishments aren’t achieved by Liberals or Conservatives, or Easterners or Westerners. They’re achieved by Canadians.

The Minister should be proud of Pearson, too. And not play petty political games with the names of great Canadians. If he’s afraid that his constituents might mistakenly identify him as a Liberal because his office is located in the Lester B. Pearson Building, then he has less faith in their intelligence than he should. If he feels that pointing out he works in a building named after a Liberal Prime Minister makes him somehow less a Conservative, maybe we have more faith in his than we should.

The government should also remain mindful that it represents Canada and not just the constituents that agree with it. Ignore that reality and they might be faced with the hard lesson of being dumped from office after one majority.

But by that time we’ll all be landing at Toronto’s Tony Clement Airport, anyway.

[box border=”full”] To read “CBC: Hockey Night Or Election Night? Both!” Click here.[/box]

[box border=”full”]To read “Blatchford’s Layton Column: Timing Is Everything,” click here. [/box]

[box border=”full”]To read “The Mammoliti Gambit, or Councillor Strangelove,” click here.[/box]

[box border=”full”] To read “Where is Marshall McLuhan’s Couch?” CLick here.[/box]

[box border=”full”] To read “Jim Flaherty’s Budget Speech Translated,” click here.[/box]

 

THE NUTSHELL: Balsillie, Weiner and the PM’s Kitten

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

POLITICS

Congressman Anthony Weiner pauses during his media conference to…good god! He’s not taking another picture, is he?
  • Congressman Anthony Weiner was exposed this week. No, wait. Congressman Anthony Weiner’s private life was laid bare this week. No, hang on. Congressman Anthony Weiner was hung out to… oh, the hell with it. You know the story. One of the people Congressman Weiner apologized to was Bill Clinton. For bringing the Democratic Party a measure of embarrassment? Or for not having the courage to show his crotch in person, in his office, as befits the party standard set by Bill in the 90’s? By the way, please stop calling this “Weinergate.” Because, if he had a gate on his wiener, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Actor Alec Baldwin has come to Weiner’s defense, with a sympathetic blog entry on the Huffington Post website. Now, I don’t want to accuse Baldwin of protesting too much, but, I sure hope that Pete Shweddy, himself, has not gotten his iphone a little too close to his Christmas treats.
Stanley, the Prime Minister’s new cat, refused to take any questions at his first media conference.

 

  • The Prime Minister’s kitten has a name. After a Facebook vote, it was decided the kitty’s name would be Stanley, in honour of the Vancouver Canucks’ pursuit of the Stanley Cup. The NHL has invoiced the PM a $10, 000.00 bill, for naming rights. I understand it’ll be paid out of Tony Clement’s G8 discretionary fund. Stanley is doing well, already being offered a pundit’s position on a SUN TV panel show.
  • The Senate Page who held up a “Stop Harper” sign during the Throne Speech lost her job. Why fire her? The poor girl was merely referring to rumours she’d heard that the PM was going to sing in public again. Just thinking public service, nothing more.
  • Sarah Palin supporters hit wikipedia, this week, and edited the story of Paul Revere in order to reflect her somewhat skewed version of his place in American history. No wonder that, for a short period of time, his page quoted him as yelling: “The Beatles are coming! The Beatles are coming!” Now, he wouldn’t have been wrong, had he bellowed that. Just way ahead of his time.

SPORTS

“Yes, Biff…I mean…Mr. Bettman. Two coats of wax, yes sir.”
  • Forbes Magazine says Jim Balsillie has been assured by the NHL that he’ll be given a team in the near future, if he “behaves” and doesn’t cause any embarrassing situations for the league. Maybe they should start him off with a puppy, first,  and see how he does with that. Actually, a goldfish. Goldfish, hamster, puppy, pony and then an NHL team.When you think about it, Balsillie ought to get the Masterton Trophy. Tried Pittsburgh. Failed. Tried Nashville. Failed. Tried Phoenix. Failed. He’ll try again. Now that’s perseverance, sports fans.
  • Former NFL receiver Plaxico Burress was released from jail this week, after serving a couple of years on a gun charge. I think he’d look good in an Argo uniform. Not as good as he did in a prison uniform, but pretty good. Burress would get a lot of respect on CFL fields, I think. Defensive Backs would give him quite a cushion, just in case he’s packing. If he were a quarterback, sure, I’d have a joke about the shotgun formation here.
    Tim Thomas’ beard: The quicker picker-upper.
  • Been told that the NHL has reached a deal with BP. When the Stanley Cup Playoffs are over, Tim Thomas’ beard will be turned over to the oil company so it can be used to soak up future spills in the Gulf.

SOME OTHER STUFF

  • Love it every time I see that Speedy Auto glass commercial on TV, where the two buddies are driving along and a stone chips the guy’s windshield. The passenger whips out his phone and hits speed dial on the cell to get ahold of a Speedy service centre. Really? Speedy Auto Glass is on his speed dial? Umm, what asteroid belt does he drive through each day during his commute to work to create the necessity of having a windshield repair outlet on speed dial?!
  • A Burlington man was caught driving in the HOV lane on the QEW with a blow up doll in the passenger seat. “But officer, what Tina and I have IS real, so she should count. Besides, the driver’s side airbag doesn’t work, so I have her straddle me when I see danger up ahead.”
  • Here’s an entertainment story that caught my eye in METRO, the commuter paper. “After months of bitter negotiations, Charlie Sheen and ex-wife Brooke Mueller have reportedly reached an agreement for custody of their twin sons, Bob and Max, according to Us Weekly. The two are said to be “satisfied” with the new terms, which weren’t disclosed.” I can only hope that by “the two,” they mean Bob and Max. And by “satisfied,” they mean that custody was granted to someone other than Charlie or Brooke.

FINAL THOUGHT

It was Prince’s birthday, earlier this week. I hear his birthday cake had a delicious centre. It was a raspberry sorbet.

 

[box border=”full”]To see a previous “THE NUTSHELL,” click here.[/box]

The Bodyguard, Starring Baird and Clement

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The soundtrack to today’s media conference is available on itunes.

Kind of an odd thing, that media conference held after the Auditor General’s report on the G8/20 Summit spending was released. For a healthy portion of it, John Baird played Kevin Costner to Tony Clement’s Whitney Houston. I half expected Baird to pick Tony up at the end of it and whisk him away from the dangers of the clamouring hordes around the podium, and to the safety and serenity of an isolated cabin in cottage country. A cottage country that has waaaay smoother pavement in Clement’s riding, by the way.

“Just picture it, Prime Minister. We turn that rock cut into a giant plasma screen TV. You know, for Summit security.”

Time after time, Baird stepped in front of Clement and intercepted questions intended for the President of the Treasury Board, as though he were about to take a bullet for his friend. Which he did, I guess, in a metaphoric way, insisting that he take responsibility for the slings and arrows directed at the Tories over the AG’s report. Over and over, he repeated that he “accepted” the report and took responsibility for it. It’s great to do that when you have a majority and will not in any way be punished by anyone other than CBC’s Terry Milewski. Milewski, at times, seems to be the real Leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. He did parry with Baird for a few moments, before the Minister of Foreign Affairs decided he’d had enough of the veteran reporter’s line of questioning, and dismissed him with a curt rejection of the premise.

As far as anything substantial coming of this; not too likely, is it? Once again, John Baird has stoically stepped in front of (this time literally) a wounded member of the government’s family. That merely endears him to the PM even more. And he was already daddy’s favourite. So, no docking of the allowance, even.

There will be hue and cry, lingering for days, maybe even weeks. But when you’re on a majority steamship, there isn’t a wave or iceberg mighty enough to do more than scratch the hull.

Still, if the Conservatives get annoyed by the dogged determination of Melewski and the like, and want the attention this issue is garnering to disappear, there’s an easy out. Just get a back-bencher to Twitter-link a picture of their crotch. What are rookies for?

[box border=”full”]Click here for Jim Flaherty’s Budget Speech, translated[/box]

 

Rookie MP Guidebook Part 3: Behaviour in the House

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The third installment in my behind-the-scenes look at a top-secret guidebook given to all 105 rookie MPs on Parliament Hill.

The House Of Commons: Those high ceilings make it tempting. But, please, no beach balls.

Today, some highlights from the guide’s rules of appropriate behaviour in the House of Commons:

As you first set foot in the House of Commons, you will notice the plush, green carpet under your feet. Please treat it with great care, as it is only steam-cleaned once per day (twice, if  Stephane Dion’s Parliament Hill Fight Club has met). Proper footwear is required at all times. Going barefoot is not allowed and has not been since Pierre Trudeau had the carpet replaced with a deep, luxurious shag, for one session in 1974.

When you take your seat, you will notice a few things: There are 3 headset jacks. One is for English translation, the second is for french translation and the third is hardwired into the Galaxie Music Network. Be careful not to get too involved in enjoying the music when the opposition is speaking as nodding your head to the beat may be falsely construed as you being in total agreement with the member. Those listening to the heavy metal channel are asked to refrain from smacking their heads on their desk. Again, this may be misconstrued as support for the member who has the floor.

The Speakers’ Chair is OFF-LIMITS. We do not believe we have to explain that any further. But in case it’s not clear, please refer to the “Inappropriate Behaviour” section, subsection: “After Hours Visitors”, sub-sub-section: “Maxime Bernier.”

“Mr. Speaker, this is an affront to all Canadians. My audio feed should have an all-Chilliwack channel.”

House of Commons Pages are there to assist you. They may relay messages, research precedent and refill water glasses. They may not “go for smokes,”  throw rose petals at your feet as you enter, or sit in for you “for this lame-ass vote on amendments to the Parks Canada procedural guide.”

At the request of the Prime Minister, trap doors have been installed under the seats of all MPs. They are connected to a switch at his desk. Do not be alarmed by a sudden free-fall out of the chamber. Stay calm, curl tightly into a ball and attempt to roll as you land. You will be greeted by a Party Whip, who will inform you as to your House re-admittance time, or escort you to the Parliamentary Library, where you will spend the rest of the session with a rag and a can of “Pledge.”

“Hear, hear,” accompanied by a pounding of your desktop is an acceptable utterance of agreement. “Eat it, Bee-atch!” accompanied by “Double-gunning” of “Devil’s hands” is not. NOTE: One exception to this rule is if John Baird makes a righteous smackdown of an opposition MP.

“Shame,” or  “outrageous” are acceptable forms of derision in the House. Giving “the raspberry” is not, unless you are in the front row, where your spittle will not affect the member seated directly in front of you, and can be effectively removed by the carpet cleaners that evening.

When the Speaker adjourns for the lunch session, leave in a calm, orderly fashion. Do not push or run. The shortage of fajitas in the Parliament Hill Cafeteria has been addressed. There will be plenty for all.

In answer to the most frequently asked question we’ve had from rookie MPs: Yes. When you rise for your first question, ever, in the House, you may take out your iphone and snap a self-portrait of yourself. Be aware, however, that Marc Garneau is quite adept at “photo bombing” new members at this moment.

Finally, no “tweeting” while you are in session, unless it is a blurb about official government business. “OMG, this place smells like old people! #boring” is not official government business.

Enjoy the House Of Commons. It’s like being in a class you really hate, but don’t even have to listen, because some nerd (CPAC) is taking notes for you.

[box type=”info” border=”full”]Previously: Handling The Media[/box]

 

Harper Cabinet Shuffle: Swedish for Common Sense Revolution

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The Prime Minister’s cabinet retooling is complete. Funny how the loss of a key member or three (Lawrence Cannon, Josee Verner, Jean-Pierre Blackburn) can set up a really high stakes version of musical chairs. Sources say that’s EXACTLY how it happened, by the way, with Tory MPs gathered in a room with 39 chairs. They all circled them nervously, while the Prime Minister played Nick Lowe’s “Cruel To Be Kind” on the piano. When he stopped — Yahtzee! Maxime Bernier had successfully knocked Rob Moore to the ground, and taken his seat as Minister of State for Small Business and Tourism.

Maxime Bernier: “Hon, you haven’t seen the Allen key, have you?

It was Bernier who’d made musical chairs necessary in the first place. He’d bought the Prime Minister’s new cabinet at the IKEA outlet in Nepean last night, but forgot the instructions at his girlfriend’s house when he left in haste this morning. By the way, IKEA  has an excellent selection of parliamentary cabinets, including the popular “Sinterblok,” as well as the twin-cabinets, the “Deef” and “Bakker.” Prime Minister Harper was hoping for the high-end, well-appointed “Sennit,” but Tony Clement, who’d had a premonition he was going to be seated in the “President of the Treasury Board” chair, asked that the Prime Minister relent and settle for the cheapest cabinet available, the finely trimmed “Budjitt.”

But, back to musical chairs. Bev Oda never did get up from her seat and remains Minister For Term Paper Grading International Co-operation Minister. John Baird flexed his considerable muscles of diplomacy and convinced a harried Julian Fantino to “get the hell out of my seat, you glorified mall cop!” Fantino shifted his buns one seat over, to become Assistant Minister of Defence. Uh, Assistant to the Minister of Defence.

Among others to find chairs they’d already been seated in were Jim Flaherty (Finance) and Peter MacKay (Defence). They both hovered over the Finance Minister’s chair, but Flaherty’s newly re-soled budget shoes gave him the agility of Hines Ward to MacKay’s Ralph Macchio. (Proud to say, I had to look that last reference up)

Magnanimously, the PM glanced up from the piano and waited for a couple of Toronto-area MPs to hover over vacant seats, proving that, while he won’t dance to Toronto’s tune, Toronto can damn well stop dancing and sit when he commands.

All in all, a nice, big shiny cabinet. Apparently, it ties the record shared by Brian Mulroney and Paul Martin. Maybe on the next trip to IKEA, they can set the stage for a record membership, by buying the Deluxe “Kokkis.”