Tag Archives: G8

THE NUTSHELL: Balsillie, Weiner and the PM’s Kitten

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

POLITICS

Congressman Anthony Weiner pauses during his media conference to…good god! He’s not taking another picture, is he?
  • Congressman Anthony Weiner was exposed this week. No, wait. Congressman Anthony Weiner’s private life was laid bare this week. No, hang on. Congressman Anthony Weiner was hung out to… oh, the hell with it. You know the story. One of the people Congressman Weiner apologized to was Bill Clinton. For bringing the Democratic Party a measure of embarrassment? Or for not having the courage to show his crotch in person, in his office, as befits the party standard set by Bill in the 90’s? By the way, please stop calling this “Weinergate.” Because, if he had a gate on his wiener, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Actor Alec Baldwin has come to Weiner’s defense, with a sympathetic blog entry on the Huffington Post website. Now, I don’t want to accuse Baldwin of protesting too much, but, I sure hope that Pete Shweddy, himself, has not gotten his iphone a little too close to his Christmas treats.
Stanley, the Prime Minister’s new cat, refused to take any questions at his first media conference.

 

  • The Prime Minister’s kitten has a name. After a Facebook vote, it was decided the kitty’s name would be Stanley, in honour of the Vancouver Canucks’ pursuit of the Stanley Cup. The NHL has invoiced the PM a $10, 000.00 bill, for naming rights. I understand it’ll be paid out of Tony Clement’s G8 discretionary fund. Stanley is doing well, already being offered a pundit’s position on a SUN TV panel show.
  • The Senate Page who held up a “Stop Harper” sign during the Throne Speech lost her job. Why fire her? The poor girl was merely referring to rumours she’d heard that the PM was going to sing in public again. Just thinking public service, nothing more.
  • Sarah Palin supporters hit wikipedia, this week, and edited the story of Paul Revere in order to reflect her somewhat skewed version of his place in American history. No wonder that, for a short period of time, his page quoted him as yelling: “The Beatles are coming! The Beatles are coming!” Now, he wouldn’t have been wrong, had he bellowed that. Just way ahead of his time.

SPORTS

“Yes, Biff…I mean…Mr. Bettman. Two coats of wax, yes sir.”
  • Forbes Magazine says Jim Balsillie has been assured by the NHL that he’ll be given a team in the near future, if he “behaves” and doesn’t cause any embarrassing situations for the league. Maybe they should start him off with a puppy, first,  and see how he does with that. Actually, a goldfish. Goldfish, hamster, puppy, pony and then an NHL team.When you think about it, Balsillie ought to get the Masterton Trophy. Tried Pittsburgh. Failed. Tried Nashville. Failed. Tried Phoenix. Failed. He’ll try again. Now that’s perseverance, sports fans.
  • Former NFL receiver Plaxico Burress was released from jail this week, after serving a couple of years on a gun charge. I think he’d look good in an Argo uniform. Not as good as he did in a prison uniform, but pretty good. Burress would get a lot of respect on CFL fields, I think. Defensive Backs would give him quite a cushion, just in case he’s packing. If he were a quarterback, sure, I’d have a joke about the shotgun formation here.
    Tim Thomas’ beard: The quicker picker-upper.
  • Been told that the NHL has reached a deal with BP. When the Stanley Cup Playoffs are over, Tim Thomas’ beard will be turned over to the oil company so it can be used to soak up future spills in the Gulf.

SOME OTHER STUFF

  • Love it every time I see that Speedy Auto glass commercial on TV, where the two buddies are driving along and a stone chips the guy’s windshield. The passenger whips out his phone and hits speed dial on the cell to get ahold of a Speedy service centre. Really? Speedy Auto Glass is on his speed dial? Umm, what asteroid belt does he drive through each day during his commute to work to create the necessity of having a windshield repair outlet on speed dial?!
  • A Burlington man was caught driving in the HOV lane on the QEW with a blow up doll in the passenger seat. “But officer, what Tina and I have IS real, so she should count. Besides, the driver’s side airbag doesn’t work, so I have her straddle me when I see danger up ahead.”
  • Here’s an entertainment story that caught my eye in METRO, the commuter paper. “After months of bitter negotiations, Charlie Sheen and ex-wife Brooke Mueller have reportedly reached an agreement for custody of their twin sons, Bob and Max, according to Us Weekly. The two are said to be “satisfied” with the new terms, which weren’t disclosed.” I can only hope that by “the two,” they mean Bob and Max. And by “satisfied,” they mean that custody was granted to someone other than Charlie or Brooke.

FINAL THOUGHT

It was Prince’s birthday, earlier this week. I hear his birthday cake had a delicious centre. It was a raspberry sorbet.

 

[box border=”full”]To see a previous “THE NUTSHELL,” click here.[/box]

The Bodyguard, Starring Baird and Clement

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The soundtrack to today’s media conference is available on itunes.

Kind of an odd thing, that media conference held after the Auditor General’s report on the G8/20 Summit spending was released. For a healthy portion of it, John Baird played Kevin Costner to Tony Clement’s Whitney Houston. I half expected Baird to pick Tony up at the end of it and whisk him away from the dangers of the clamouring hordes around the podium, and to the safety and serenity of an isolated cabin in cottage country. A cottage country that has waaaay smoother pavement in Clement’s riding, by the way.

“Just picture it, Prime Minister. We turn that rock cut into a giant plasma screen TV. You know, for Summit security.”

Time after time, Baird stepped in front of Clement and intercepted questions intended for the President of the Treasury Board, as though he were about to take a bullet for his friend. Which he did, I guess, in a metaphoric way, insisting that he take responsibility for the slings and arrows directed at the Tories over the AG’s report. Over and over, he repeated that he “accepted” the report and took responsibility for it. It’s great to do that when you have a majority and will not in any way be punished by anyone other than CBC’s Terry Milewski. Milewski, at times, seems to be the real Leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. He did parry with Baird for a few moments, before the Minister of Foreign Affairs decided he’d had enough of the veteran reporter’s line of questioning, and dismissed him with a curt rejection of the premise.

As far as anything substantial coming of this; not too likely, is it? Once again, John Baird has stoically stepped in front of (this time literally) a wounded member of the government’s family. That merely endears him to the PM even more. And he was already daddy’s favourite. So, no docking of the allowance, even.

There will be hue and cry, lingering for days, maybe even weeks. But when you’re on a majority steamship, there isn’t a wave or iceberg mighty enough to do more than scratch the hull.

Still, if the Conservatives get annoyed by the dogged determination of Melewski and the like, and want the attention this issue is garnering to disappear, there’s an easy out. Just get a back-bencher to Twitter-link a picture of their crotch. What are rookies for?

[box border=”full”]Click here for Jim Flaherty’s Budget Speech, translated[/box]