Category Archives: Sports

THE NUTSHELL: Gaga, Arnold, Bettman and the Gremlin.

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things. This is the first edition.

POP CULTURE

Lady Gaga: If she’s so powerful, how come not everyone goes to work in a giant egg?
  • Lady Gaga (I prefer to pronounce it with the emphasis on the last syllable, by the way. Try it, it’s fun!) has just been named, by Forbes Magazine, the world’s most powerful celebrity, bumping Oprah Winfrey to number two. If that gets you a little down. Ms. Winfrey, just do what I do and try to buy your way out of that depression. For me, it might mean new shoes, or tickets to a game. With your spending power, it might mean, oh, I don’t know, a state, say. “Oprahoma” has a nice ring to it.
  • Someone needed to tell Arnold Schwarzenegger that non-natives can’t be President of the United States. Then he wouldn’t have tried so hard to be like Thomas Jefferson.
  • Downside: An 89 year old pastor in the U.S. predicts the end of the world this weekend. Upside: The “Glee” 3D movie will never see the light of day.

 

SPORTS

  • The NHL was given the League OF The Year Award, Wednesday, by Sports Business Journal. Nice get. I can see how they’d beat the NFL, NBA, CFL and MLB. But beating The Justice League of America, well, that’s very impressive. Commissioner Gordon? He couldn’t carry Gary Bettman’s codpiece.
  • The State of Ohio has passed legislation making it a-okay to carry concealed weapons in places such as bars and open-air sports stadiums. David Letterman used to make a joke about “Hard Liquor and Handgun Night” at Yankees’ games. Nice to know that some of those level-headed, mask-wearing drunks in the Dog Pound at Browns’ games might now be packing.
    “Why can’t I get Ben Eager’s deal?”
  • That now-infamous moment in Game Two of the Canucks – Sharks series where a young woman flashed ’em at the penalty box? Wasn’t she showing she was, in fact, more eager, than Ben? And about as smart?
  • My Argos season tickets arrived today. If you’re a season ticket holder of any team, in any league, you know the unbridled joy and pure, pure giddiness this inspires. Honestly. What is it about the arrival of my season tickets that makes me feel like I’m 10 years old, it’s Christmas, and I just this moment opened a package with my brand new “Super-Slider Sno-Skates” in it?
  • Those Honda Civic ads I see over and over and over AND OVER on Hockey Night In Canada make me pine for the days when I saw those “Roll Up The Rim” ads over and over and over AND OVER again, during The Brier. Not sure who I’m supposed to be most like. The zombie? The masked avenger? (The Avenger, now there was a good car) The troll putting on make-up? The cartoon samurai girl come to life? The trans-gendered lumberjack? Well, at least the accompanying tune is cool. But I need some sort of gimmick before I get a Civic.

 

POLITICS

  • Here’s a little nugget from Jane Taber’s Ottawa Notebook in the Globe and Mail, re: Stephen Harper’s ridiculous Senate appointments: “One of Mr. Harper’s MPs suggested that the Prime Minister is no longer trying to kill the Liberal Party but has instead decided to become the Liberal Party.” Ouch. Wonder who that was. Doubt it was Peter Kent, who doubled back on criticism of The Party during the campaign after waking, one morning, with a horse’s head in his bed. Well, whoever you are, GREAT line. The hell of it is, you’ll never get credit for it, if you know what’s good for you.
    Stornoway: Check for bed bugs. And any ex-Liberal MPs who may be squatting.
  • Michael Ignatieff has moved out of Stornoway. Now, I’m not saying Jack Layton and Olivia Chow face a huge mess when they first open the front door. But I do know that if the place is in half as bad a shape as the Liberal Party he left behind, Iggy ain’t getting his security deposit back.
  • Donald Trump has decided NOT to run for President. Too bad. Pretty sure he would have tried to take a chunk out of the national debt by building a lavish casino in the West Wing. Then, inviting Chinese President Ma Ying-jeour to the place and comp’ing him the Lincoln Bedroom, all the while ensuring he takes a bath at the tables.

FINAL THOUGHT

They’ve brought back the Volkswagen Beetle. They’ve brought back the Mini-Cooper. Now, dammit, it’s time. bring back the AMC Gremlin. Stylish, affordable and way cool. Tell me it isn’t prettier than the Nissan Cube.

#Winning-peg.

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The NHL Returns To Manitoba?

Wonderful development, isn’t it, for a region struggling with a grim annual rite of Spring? Manitoba could use a little good news. The seemingly imminent purchase and move of the Atlanta Thrashers to Winnipeg won’t push back the rising floodwaters of the Assiniboine, but it has got to be tonic for weary Manitobans who, once again, have endured the endless, back-breaking toil of sandbag processions, and will endure the endless, heartbreaking toil of cleaning up after the disaster.

I recall, from afar, the great agony carved on the faces of their dedicated sports fans as, in the summer of 1995, it became apparent that there would be no last-ditch effort to miraculously keep the team from its exodus to the desert, and that they’d be playing one final, bittersweet season. I can vividly recall the rivers of tears on the faces of the faithful as the Jets made their farewell circles on the ice at the old Winnipeg Arena, in April, 1996. Soon after that, the region was hit with the worst Spring flooding it had seen since 1979. Coincidentally, that was the year the Jets joined the NHL.

So, now, it appears big league hockey will return to the land of the Golden Boy and the Golden Jet. Good on them.

 

Winnipeg’s MTS Centre. Brier, 2008.

I’m not from Winnipeg. In fact, I’ve only ever spent a few days total in that city, once when I visited to see a Brier, the other time a Blue Bomber game. I liked it a lot, and enjoyed the hospitality of some of the most wonderful people in the country. Good folks, they are. Hard-working, proud and yes, friendly, as the licence plates advertise.

It feels like a tremendously horrible sporting wrong is about to be righted, as the Jets get set to fly again.

So, chin up, Manitoba. The waters will soon recede, they always do. And you’ll emerge stronger for it. You always do, too. And this time, a great flood can herald the re-emergence of your hockey dreams, as opposed to swallowing them whole and carrying them South.

 

Franchise Merry Go Round: Bring Back The Kenora Thistles

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Dying franchises. Franchises on artificial respiration. “False” markets. Markets that could be the “Lourdes” for any of them, if the NHL bothered to revisit the protocols at Head Office, the way it did for head trauma. Dark, quiet room. No distractions. Come on, guys, you can do this. Sit very still, and let the healing (if uncomfortably icy) waters of the game’s cradle pour over you. No? Obvious economic answers not doing it for you?

Begs the question: Where do teams belong? Not just financially speaking but, rather, esthetically?

 

Give Oakland Back It’s Hockey Team. But, first, Where Are They, Again?

I don’t think the good people of Winnipeg would really care, one way or the other. They just want a hockey team to fill up the nights when they aren’t curling. But, in the interest of all being right with the universe, it’s the Coyotes that belong there. Who doesn’t like a good “you can go home, again” story? Here’s an idea: Move the Atlanta Thrashers to Phoenix. Then let the Coyotes go back to where they rightfully belong. What does it matter to the NHL which team they’re traipsing around in Arizona like it was the corpse in “Weekend At Bernie’s,” as long as they’ve got a body to prop up?

 

For the folks in Atlanta, well, if you can ever get your hockey act together again, you can always take back the Flames. We can move the Blue Jackets to Alberta. After this last (and pretty much every other) federal election, blue is an entirely appropriate colour for a team in Calgary. Columbus can pick up the Florida Panthers, when the time comes. Got a name picked out and everything: “Ohio State Puckeyes.” No? How about “Ohio Players?” Google that, if you’re under 40.

I’ve often thought that the NFL should do a little franchise carousel, to set things right with the football gods. When the Colts left Baltimore, that city took Cleveland’s Browns, a few years later, as replacement. Soon after that, the city of Cleveland was granted an expansion franchise which, rightfully, belongs in Indianapolis. This is too easy: The Colts move back to Baltimore, from Indy. The Ravens move back to Cleveland and “re-become” the Browns. The “new” Browns shift over to Indianapolis and can be called the , um, hell, I don’t know. The “Ravens,” I guess, would be available. No! The “Birds!” Obviously.

While we’re at it, how soon can we move the Owen Sound attack back to Guelph and rename them the “Platers?”

140 Character Assassination

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On Sean Avery, Twitter And The Sanctity Of Marriage

Action, reaction. Actually, more like action, over reaction. A guy most hockey fans have never heard of, criticizes a guy most hockey fans have heard of with remarks that many have said before, and we’ve got us a controversy.

Todd Reynolds, agent with Uptown Sports, hit Twitter with these three missives, yesterday:

uptownhockey Very sad to read Sean Avery’s misguided support of same-gender “marriage”. Legal or not, it will always be wrong.

uptownhockey To clarify. This is not hatred or bigotry towards gays. It is not intolerance in any way shape or form. I believe we are all equal…

uptownhockey But I believe in the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman. This is my personal viewpoint. I Do not hate anyone.

Fine. Reynolds has views that I do not, personally, agree with. I think the sanctity of marriage has been pretty well battle-tested by heterosexuals, and could easily withstand the extension into the homosexual world. Might even be better, for it.

Sean Avery: Knows The Pain Of Just Blurting Something Out

I don’t know the man, but, it seems to me, his views were clearly and definitely stated. You can object to his stance, disagree and even condemn his views, based on those tweets. It’s just that so many are ready and willing to decide, without further information, that the man must be a hate-filled, bigoted lout. Which, he may be. It’s just that, again, you’d need a bit more information about him to reach that conclusion. Do I think someone could stand against Gay marriage and NOT be homophobic? Yes, I do. I do think it’s possible. For some, it might be a multi-layered and complicated issue. I don’t think you can accuse every person who is against Gay marriage of being homophobic any more than you can accuse those who oppose the war in Afghanistan of being against the troops, or Canada, itself.

I once had a discussion with Maple leafs’ President Brian Burke, many years ago, when he held a position with the NHL’s Head Office. Something he said to me has stuck to this day.
While in a testy conversation about the state of the NHL, he told me my comments were “ignorant.” I replied that it was well and good for him to call me ignorant, but that didn’t address the issue. He quickly corrected me. “I didn’t say you were ignorant,” he told me. “I said your comments were ignorant, and there’s a big difference.” Of course there is. Burke correctly pointed out that he made a distinction between me and what I had specifically said. It may well have been that I was ignorant, but one so-called ignorant comment didn’t necessarily prove that.

This principle can be extended to Reynolds and, just as importantly, to everyone else. In the absence of further proof, I try to judge the comments, not the person.

With that in mind, I’d like to applaud Sean Avery. I think his willingness to help champion equal rights is laudable (see the video HERE), and should be celebrated. As for Reynolds, his comments do not reflect the beliefs I hold, in this matter. Sorry if that’s boring.

Twitter has certainly done some good. It’s helped topple dictators. Unfortunately, the same instant call-to-action it employed to motivate uprisers in Egypt also allows for instant, unmeasured reaction to anything and everything else. It’s pitchforks and torches for the modern world. Thing is, it’s the individual who still makes the decision: “Do I, or do I NOT pick up that pitchfork?”

[box border=”full”]To read SUN TV INTERVIEW ISN’T WORTH COMPLAINING ABOUT, click here.[/box]

[box border=”full”]To read BLATCHFORD’S LAYTON COLUMN: TIMING IS EVERYTHING, click here.[/box]

 

 

 

 

Easter Weekend musings

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Let My People Tweet

Watching “The Ten Commandments” last night (Well, last night AND early this morning. It’s 3 hours and 40 minutes long WITHOUT commercials), my mind wandered just  a wee bit and I started to wonder how this epic tale might have been told in real-time, had Twitter been around. Specifically, the key moment which sees Moses and his flock pressed up against the Red Sea, the Egyptian army closing in:

@burningbush: Think we’re screwed. Red Sea in front, Ramses behind. Moses’ win streak ending.

Moments later:

@burningbush: Moses just turned his back. Raising hands. Is he surrendering?! Wussy, IMHO.

@burningbush: OMG! Game changer! Moses parting Red Sea! Anybody skyping this!? #winning

 Eggnatieff v. Hopper

Instead of some 300 million dollars worth of repetitive, hollow rhetoric, we could have settled our governmental squabble with a Parliament Hill Easter Egg Hunt. 308 eggs, 5 party leaders, NHL headshot rules in effect. Most eggs forms a government. Simple.

I’d normally like Jack Layton in such a contest. He’s savvy and scrappy. A competition like this could bring out the street fighter in him. But, with that hip continuing to slow him down, I couldn’t bet on him.

Michael Ignatieff? No chance. He’d waste much of his hunt time trying to launch a study group discussion on exactly how the rules should be interpreted. Maybe even write an essay, while eggs were gobbled up all around him.

Gilles Duceppe would not take part at all, instead sitting on the steps under the Peace Tower, complaining that the game is rigged against him.

Elizabeth May would not likely find a single egg. Despite being somewhat capable, she’d start too slowly, being quite astonished that she’d been invited to take part in the first place.

And then there’s Stephen. With Layton’s physical advantage compromised, I’d like his chances. And, if there’s anyone who knows how to manipulate the rules on Parliament Hill to their advantage, it’s the PM. A basketful for him. But be careful what you wish for, Mr. Harper. Those egg management fees can be a killer.

Funky Walker, Pious Talker

Sure, at times it looks a bit like “Mod Squad: The Musical.”

But I have to say, in all seriousness, that I think “Jesus Christ, Superstar” is a GREAT film.

Terrific songs, exceptionally talented actors and, let’s face it, one hell of a plot. So what if they ended it with the crucifixion, instead of the resurrection. They were probably thinking sequel.

He Is Risen And Everythink

Final word (sort of) to Donald S. Cherry, who, on Saturday night said (and I quote): “You can’t beat Jesus.”

So true. No lead is safe against him. He’s proven to be one of the best comeback artists of all time.

 

 

Double Blue Bash

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Click here to see original article at Argonauts.ca

A funny thing happened at the Wiser’s Double Blue Bash on Saturday night. Actually, a lot of funny things happened.  That’s the way it goes when Adriano Belli and Rob Murphy get a microphone in front of them.

With pounding live music, a couple of cheerleader performances and an extra dose of Roughrider green in attendance (it’s like that everywhere, isn’t it?) the joint had jump in it from the get-go.

Belli worked the room, planting kisses on anyone and everyone. Sure, he sucked up to the ‘Riders faithful by picking Saskatchewan to “kick ass” in the Grey Cup game.  That was offset by the fact that the ’97 game was being played on a giant video screen, much to the chagrin of the greenshirts in attendance (Argos won that game, over Saskatchewan, 47-23).

Chad Owens felt the love when he arrived to talk about his Most Outstanding Special Teams Player award. Damon Allen made an appearance (said Henry Burris was full value for his Outstanding Player Award), as did Argos owner David Braley and club President Bob Nicholson.

Former SB Derrell ‘Mookie’ Mitchell dropped by too, reminiscing about the night (during his rookie season) that he was introduced to red wine (in copious amounts) by a friend.

A hard lesson was learned the next day (red wine hangovers are notorious, don’t you know?) and Mookie swears he’s only ever had ONE glass of red since.
Although, Saturday night at Grey Cup seems like a good night to revisit old habits, doesn’t it?

Michael “Pinball” Clemons‘ turn with the microphone was particularily dazzling. Part comedy routine; part pep talk; part old-time revival, Clemons wowed the crowd with a high – octane soliloquy.  He had them eating out of his hand with his audience participation routine (“When I say Grey, you say Cup…”) and then had chests pumped out to the maximum when he related how proud he is to live in Canada and be a part of the CFL family. Honest to goodness, I saw a young woman standing right beside the stage with her hands clasped over her heart, looking up at him with blessed joy.

However, and this was strange, one football fan asked a friend of mine who Pinball was.  Isn’t that kind of like a devout catholic not knowing who the Pope is?

Out into the Edmonton night I went, pondering that one.

[box type=”info” border=”full”]Link: Double Blue Bash, CFL.ca, argonauts.ca[/box]

Getting Into The Spirit In Edmonton

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Click here to see the original CFL.ca article

You know something has to be good if, during Grey Cup Week, you set alarm for 6:45 am in order to attend. The Spirit of Edmonton Breakfast, at the Shaw Conference Centre did not disappoint.  What follows is a timeline of some of my personal highlights:

7:39 – Entered the ballroom.  The band was playing “Roadhouse Blues” at an incredible volume.  For a moment,  I think it’s still last night.

8:02 – Master of Ceremonies Mark Scholz performs the ceremonial Bailey’s cap removal.  Sorry, Mark, I’d removed mine 20 minutes earlier.

8:04 – A call goes out for any Newfoundlanders in the room.  One guy stands up and hollers.  Holy smokes..is that…DANNY WILLIAMS!? (I could be
wrong)

8:09 –  Food line opens.  As I make my way toward the buffet, I inadvertently cross through the Castrol dancers as they are about to begin. Emcee yells at me to get off  the dance floor.  Hey, I’m with ya, buddy, nobody needs to see that.

8:29 – The first Sluice Juice sighting! About time!

8:29 and 10 seconds – I want another Sluice Juice!

8:45 – The Calgary Stampeder cheerleaders hit the floor in skimpy halter tops.  Sadly, I’d already seen two guys in similar outfits.  And neither was Henry Burris.

9:03 – The question is asked: “Who’s leaving here and going to work hammered?”
A lot, I mean a LOT of hands go up.  Enjoy a productive day of commerce, Edmonton.

9:04 – A Ukrainian dance troupe takes the floor.  Their choregraphy is so good, I see Arland Bruce feverishly taking notes in preparation for next season’s touchdown celebrations.

9:05 – Isn’t my typing remarkably good after that much Sluice Juice?

9:06 – Isn’t my typing remarkably…uhh…oh yeah.

9:32 – Blue Bomber cheerleader asks if I’d like to buy a calendar.  I say “sure, if you’ll buy one of mine.”  She backpedals like Byron Parker.

9:45 – Here comes the Eskimo Cheer Team.  Seriously, they might be the best on the planet. I mean, somebody alert Guy Laliberte, he could build an entire Cirque De Soleil show based on their exploits.

They lift Spirit  Chairman Bruce Keltie up so high…that he could almost see eternity (gosh, I love Anne Murray).

10:32 – Okay, I’m back after a power nap.  What’d I miss?

10:33 – Bagpipers!  Love it!  Fire it up, guys!

10:34 – Okay, I DO love bagpipes.  But after a night of carousing and several goblets of sluice, the old noggin’ can’t take it.  Time to beat a hasty retreat.  Well done, Spirit!  You are the Danny Williams of breakfast parties. Yes, that IS a compliment.

[box type=”info”]Link: Getting Into The Spirit, CFL.ca[/box]

Hangin’ With Big Ange

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Watch out, Prime Minister Harper.  Big Ange is coming for you.

Click here to see the original CFL.ca article

Big Ange, of course, is legendary Ti-Cat quarterback tracker Angelo Mosca.

He was front and centre at Friday’s CFL Alumni Legends Luncheon, tackling every issue before him – including politics.

Mosca is emotionally invested in the Alumni Association, to the point where he envisions knocking on the PM’s door in order to get some financial help for the group. “You better believe it, I’ll be there in a New York second,”  he said, in response to  the question of whether he’d seek out the Prime Minister himself, for some help.

“I’ve already had some people, who want to make a commitment, but they’re not sure yet,” he said of some unnamed politicians. “But I’m gonna make sure they make a commitment.”

Mosca told me that he knows of “five or six guys” who have dementia or cancer, who “don’t have any money.” And he wants to help.  Even if it means a trip or two to Parliament Hill to twist some arms.

Mosca took the stage at the luncheon, with  few other legends to spin a some yarns about days gone by.  Prior to that, I asked him how it felt to be elbow to elbow with some of them again. “I love it.  Tom Wilkinson…he and I were inducted the same year and he’s the only quarterback I know who wears a XXXL at this stage of life,” he said, with a devilish laugh.

What about your TiCats, Big Ange?
“We have some pretty good football players on that team.  But we’re too nice.  We’re not the Tiger-Cats.”

In other words, not enough eating of the raw?
“I’d have brought the house about eight or nine times in a row (against Argonaut quarterback Cleo Lemon in the East Semi-Final) and let’s find out what he could really do.”

Prediction time, Mr. Mosca: Who’s gonna win the Grey Cup?
“What I saw  in the third and fourth quarters (in the West Final) from the Saskatchewan Roughriders,  oh that was awesome. That’s what defence of old was all about.  And I think that this team, the Roughriders, are really ready to knock on the door.”

The way Big Ange is ready to knock on Prime Minister Harper’s door.

[box type=”info” border=”full”]Link: Hangin’ With Big Ange, CFL.ca[/box]

Queen Of The Argos Wouldn’t Miss Grey Cup

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Click here to see the original CFL.ca article

The CFL is blessed with passionate fans, from coast to coast. It’s hard to imagine, though, more love for a football team and a league coming in as wee a package as little Lori Bursey. Lori stands all of five-foot-three, but when she talks about the team and the league she loves, she gets so pumped up that I’m sure she can look any defensive lineman in the eye.

President of the “Friends of the Argonauts” Fan Club, Lori is back at yet another Grey Cup (her 29th) and she couldn’t be happier about it unless, of course, her favourite team just happened to be playing on Sunday.

Despite her lingering heartbreak over the Argonauts’ loss to the Montreal Alouettes in last Sunday’s Eastern Final, Lori has her Grey Cup fever appropriately  stoked.

You see, for Lori, Grey Cup week is akin to Christmas eve for an 8 year old, with all the anticipation and energy building to unwrapping the gift of a championship game the next day.  Actually, it’s bigger than that.
[quote]This is Disneyworld for adults[/quote]
When asked if she could celebrate only Christmas OR Grey Cup, she doesn’t hesitate in giving Christmas the heave ho.

“This is Disneyworld for adults,” says Bursey, sitting in the lobby of the Westin Hotel. “The game is really secondary to all the friendships I’ve developed over
the years.  It’s like a huge family reunion. There’s a common bond we all share and it doesn’t matter which team you root for.”

If there were a hall of fame for CFL fans (hmmm, maybe there SHOULD be) Lori Bursey would be a first ballot inductee. She attends practice on a regular basis, treats the players to an annual barbecue at training camp, makes yearly road trips to see her team in enemy stadiums. and has fostered an almost maternal link with the players.

It’s not uncommon to see Lori just about completely disappear in a loving bear-hug from one of “her boys.” Along with her partner, Ron Keffer, and a host of volunteers, Bursey has turned the annual Friends of the Argonauts Cornroast into a must-attend event, and over the years has raised some Eighty thousand dollars for charity.

All of this great passion for her team and her league comes to Grey Cup, year after year, after year.

“My personal favourite is Spirit of Edmonton.  It’s where the people always congregate.  If you ever want to find me late at night, (Spirit of Edmonton) is where I am.”

So it’s Spirit of Edmonton number 29 for Lori Bursey, perhaps the biggest football fan in all of Toronto.  Then will come number 30, and 31 and 32….
“I will never ever miss this.  I tell people that if one year I’m not at Grey Cup, it’s because I’m dead.  And I just want you to hoist a drink in my honour.”

Hard to imagine Argo football without Lori Bursey.  Hard to imagine a Grey Cup Festival without her shining CFL spirit.  If you see her, introduce yourself. If you love the CFL, you’re welcome in her family. Just don’t make fun of the Argos.

[box type=”info” border=”full”]Link: “Queen of the Argos”, CFL.ca[/box]