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In this episode, Bill and Don try to wrap their heads around the Boston Bruins’ bar tab, discuss Roger Ebert’s ill-timed tweet and talk about Toronto’s status as an also-ran sports town. As well, Don’s excitement about the Royal Visit and a discussion about internet “shaming.”
Word is, 6 Boston Bruins ran up a bar tab of $156,679.74 at a Stanley Cup party at a place called Foxwoods Casino, Saturday night. A picture of what’s purported to be the bar tab from that night, is making the rounds. See below.
Apparently, the tab included a $100,000.00 bottle of champagne. A $100,000.00 bottle of champagne. Unless it can be verified that this champagne was, in fact, made from the blood of Christ himself, I believe it’s got to be a tad over priced. As well, I don’t see any food charges on this tab. Boys, boys, boys. At least a tray of nachos to soak up a little of that poison. I guess if you’re going to spend a hundred thousand dollars on a bottle of champagne, you don’t want anything standing between it and your bloodstream.
The “service charge” on this bill, alone, was almost $25,000.00. Because, when you order a $100k bottle of champagne, I’m guessing, it is served to you by a singing and dancing Rihanna.
It should be noted, that, among the bar items on this bill, were some bottles of Bud Light. Because premium beer is expensive.
According to “Irish Central” (seriously), the six Bruins involved were: Zdeno Chara, Tim Thomas, Shawn Thornton, Milan Lucic, Patrice Bergeron and Brad Marchand. Ha. Enjoy picking up THAT, tab, rookie.
FINAL THOUGHT
“Woofstock” was held in Toronto last weekend. Bunch of long-haired Shih Tzus and their rock and roll and their peace and free love crap. Get a haircut, you hippies!
[box border=”full”]To see a previous “THE NUTSHELL, click here[/box]
We get the same thing every year. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman walks out amidst a chorus of mostly boos, grabs the mic like he’s a principal about to admonish an unruly assembly crowd, and quickly and without much pomp or circumstance, hands over The Cup. Then gets the hell out.
We need something new. Fresh. Exciting. We need the attention-grabbing daring of Lady Gaga. The head turning style of Michael Buble. The “what the hell?” quality of a Kardashian YouTube video.
Here are a few suggestions. 7 cool ways the Commissioner could present the Stanley Cup:
1. Lights dim. The strains of “Phantom Of The Opera” blare. A single spotlight hits an upper corner of the arena. Out of a massive cloud of dry ice, there, in a cape and a half Gerry Cheevers mask, The Commish emerges. With a bellowing, evil laugh (the kind usually reserved for a thwarting of Jim Balsillie), he tucks the Cup under an arm, grabs a rope with the other, and swoops down to centre ice.
2. The players gather at the Zamboni entrance, lined up on either side of it. They drop their sticks, take off their gloves and start clapping in time with the music. That music? “Footloose,” by Kenny Loggins. Out comes Mr. Bettman, in acid washed jeans, white shirt and skinny tie, perfectly mimicking Kevin Bacon’s incredible mid-eighties dance moves. All the way to centre ice. Not necessary, but pretty great, would be to get John Lithgow to stand at the end of the line in minister’s garb, arms folded, shaking his head in disgust.
3. Bettman doesn’t present the Cup at all. Instead, Charlie Sheen, drives a Zamboni out, complete with gaggle of his “goddesses” as passengers. After a short, meandering tour of the ice, the Zamboni slams into the boards, knocking everyone off. They scramble to their feet, and start to stagger toward centre ice, sliding the cup along the ice. Sheen throws up in the Cup, points to the victorious captain and says “winning.”
4. In a nod to the top-of-mind status of Anthony Weiner, the Commish strides to centre wearing flip-flops and a towel. The Cup is there waiting for him. He smiles, devilishly, then sticks it between his legs, takes a picture with his iPhone and immediately posts the shot to Twitter. Then announces: “We have a wiener!” Congratulations Vancouver/Boston!”
5. Dressed like Moses, the Commish slowly, stoically, makes his way toward the players gathered at centre ice. He’s carrying two stone tablets. As the camera zooms in, we see that the tablets have the NHL’s constantly changing headshot rules carved into them. He puts them down, picks up a composite hockey stick from the pile nearby. He waves it slowly, and the players part, the Stanley Cup appearing in the middle of them. Of course, the stick breaks as he does this.
6. Royal Wedding theme. The Cup, in a bridal veil and mini-dress with a long train. The Commish in a Prince William uniform knock-off. Or the other way around, if you prefer. A carriage ride to centre ice. Carrie Underwood as Pippa, following dutifully behind the Cup, carrying the tail end of it’s train. Prince Harry, played by…well..who else but Sean Avery? Peter Mansbridge narrates.
7. Salute to Seal Team 6. The Commish, in full commando gear, is juggled and nose-bounced by a line of 6 actual seals towards a mini compound-like structure at centre ice. Gary kicks in the door, the walls fall down and we see an Osama look-a-like sitting on the floor with the Stanley Cup in his grasp. The Commissioner fires a few paintball rounds into him and secures the Cup, as well as “Osama’s” DVD collection. He announces that the discs are “NHL 2010-2011 highlight DVD’s, now available at NHL.com!”
Honourable mentions as themes: Jersey Shore. Bettman in drag as Snooki, guzzling a margarita from the Cup. Star Wars. Take the base off the Cup, and the Commissioner can wear it, like he’s R2-D2. And “Enchantment Under The Sea.” Of course.
[box border=”full”]To see Gary Bettman’s Winnipeg quotes translated, click here.[/box]
The 13th annual OMHA Parade of Champions was held, today, at the Sheraton Parkway Hotel, in Richmond Hill. Once again, it was my great honour to Co-Emcee the event, along with the talented and gracious Andy Frost (Q-107, AM 640 and P.A. Announcer for the Toronto Maple Leafs).
More than 60 teams, from Novice to Midget, were honoured for their OMHA Championships. From far and wide, they came, to be called to the stage, and celebrated for tremendous feats of teamwork, as well as community service. Some of these kids, parents and coaches drive for hours, for their beautiful moment of glory, as they pose for pictures with their championship banners. It truly is an amazing event, creating memories to be shared for a lifetime. This year, they came from Hamilton and Barrie, from Ajax and Orangeville. They came from Huntsville and Waterford, Sturgeon Lake and Tweed. And a dozen, or so, other communities in between.
Congratulations to the players, coaches, trainers, hockey moms and dads, and all who contributed to the making of championship seasons. And, top marks to the hard-working members of the OMHA, at all levels, who put on yet another sensational Parade of Champions.
[box border=”full”]To see the 2011 Parade Of Champions, click here.[/box]
[box border=”full”]To see video of the 2010 Parade Of Champions, click here.[/box]
It was Prince’s birthday, earlier this week. I hear his birthday cake had a delicious centre. It was a raspberry sorbet.
[box border=”full”]To see a previous “THE NUTSHELL,” click here.[/box]
The NHL has a chance to do things a little differently, now. If they so choose.
With the announcement that chief disciplinarian Colin Campbell is stepping down from that portion of his duties (he’ll apparently stay on with the league as Senior Vice President of Hockey Operations), the league can choose this decision as a catalyst towards something completely different, when it comes to player suspensions and fines.
I’ll suggest something radical: Get out of the suspension and fine business almost entirely.
It’s not that I advocate a frontier mentality in the NHL. Far from it. It’s just that I believe the most effective way for players to police themselves and dole out appropriate punishment is to have their own association do it for them. It seems to me that, over the years, the NHLPA has exerted an enormous amount of time, energy, and other resources, to protect the rights of players being penalized by the league’s head office. That’s laudable, but flawed.
The players’ association should be in the business of protecting ALL players. Not just from the big bad wolves on the Board of Governors, but also from themselves. In every disciplinary scenario that’s played out over the life of the NHLPA, the union has represented the offender to the hilt, with little or no consideration given to the injured player who suffered the brunt of the action that landed the offending player on the carpet in the first place. Arguments have been made with the goal of ensuring the offender misses as little action as possible, loses as little money as possible. That would constantly leave the injured player with not much of a voice at all, as league officials acted in the best interests of the game only. The GAME only.
Imagine a hockey world where supplemental discipline was triggered by league officials but then handed over to the Players’ Association to mete out punishment. This would still give the league a voice when it comes to incidents it deemed harmful to the game. They deserve some, after all. But the NHL, throughout its history, has shown very little stomach for a fight with the NHLPA, when it comes to increasing the length of suspensions, and the value of fines. That’s at least partly because of the NHLPA’s antagonistic stance against all things management – related.
So. We take the final decisions on suspensions and fines out of the league’s hands, and hand it to the Players’ Association. The Association is forced (or would be, in an amended players constitution) to consider the (about to be) suspended player’s rights as well as the rights of the victimized player. That player would have a voice in the proceedings as well. If you think about it, that’s not so radical in the real world, just the NHL’s. In most unions, if you have a serious problem in the workplace with a fellow employee, you can file a grievance and have that grievance heard by the union. And the other employee, equally, would have a chance to defend that grievance.
That kind of equal representation is conspicuously absent, in the National Hockey League. Oh, the NHLPA will pay lip service to the needs of a player sitting at home in a darkened room, trying to remember what day it is. They’ll tsk tsk about the situation and publicly decry the action that put that player in a concussed state, but they won’t actually do anything about it. No, they’ll save their sweat and muscle for the suits in New York who have the temerity to suggest a two game suspension. Give the victimized player a real voice in the proceedings, with real representation exerting real pressure, and I think you have a real chance at stiffer suspensions. That’s because the NHLPA would have to do everything in its power to ensure all players involved would be treated accordingly.
This can’t happen unilaterally, I know. For now, things will continue they way they have, just with a new NHL judge (Brendan Shanahan) wielding the gavel. But, it’s the perfect time to start the dialogue that can lead to improvement of the quality of pro hockey justice, when the next collective bargaining agreement is ratified.
Click to see: [box border=”full”]Gary Bettman’s Winnipeg Remarks Translated[/box]
There’s really no doubt that a person’s head should be treated with the utmost respect when playing any kind of sport. Your own head, yes, and, of course, your opponent’s. Deliberately or recklessly intending to injure an opponent’s head (or any other body part, for that matter) is something, I think, we can all agree, needs to be discouraged. But Hockey Canada’s new rules go beyond punishing reckless players and discouraging that kind of on-ice decision making. At the pro level, I think one of these new rules wouldn’t be at all appropriate. However, in a kids’ game, perhaps it’s necessary as we endeavour to keep our little ones as safe as possible, while they learn and enjoy the game that is every Canadian’s birthright. That rule: A two-minute penalty for accidentally contacting an opponent’s head.
A penalty for an intentional action that ends up having a player’s head contacted makes sense. A penalty for an unintentional action that results in the same thing, at fist blush, seems like punishing a kid for spilling a glass of water on someone the same as you would punish him or her for throwing a glass of water on someone. A consistent march of players to the penalty box for unintentionally knocking an opponent’s head will likely lead to a less-aggressive style of play in minor hockey. Let’s face it, if little Johnny or Jenny is forechecking and in reaching for the puck, accidentally strikes the defenceman in the helmet with their elbow while that defenceman is also reaching for the puck, and is sent to the box for two minutes — well, little Johnny or Jenny may decide that it’s not worth being so aggressive the next time. Certainly if it happens on a number of occasions, the kid’s not going to continue to play with as much aggressiveness. Over a period of time, all the little Johnnys and Jennys have their games shaped in this fashion, and all the other little Johnnys and Jennys out there get a little more room on the ice.
In our pro’s, that’s not the type of hockey we want to see. We like aggressiveness. That’s called hustle. We tend to tolerate errors of commission more than we tolerate errors of omission, in our hockey players. Penalizing pros in a way that Hockey Canada has decided to penalize kids, would make less sense. It might turn the NHL into the equivalent of a touch football league. There’s a very important distinction here. Goal number one in pro hockey is not the same as goal number one in kids’ hockey. In the NHL, it’s to entertain. To thrill. In minor hockey, it’s to keep kids as safe as possible. Fostering a less aggressive style of hockey for youngsters will provide them with a little bit safer atmosphere. Penalizing players for unintentionally putting an opponent’s health at risk is a good thing for 10 year olds. Teaches them, at an early age, that they are indeed responsible for the consequences of their actions, whether those results were intended or not. From that, respect for the dangerous possibilities will be instilled. That respect, once fortified, can form the backbone of a more aggressive game, as they get older and make the jump to competitive junior hockey and on into the pros.
That could lead to a happy development, a generation of players down the road. A return to something that many believe has been long lost in the NHL. Respect. The National Hockey League seems only partially dedicated to, or capable of, its restoration. Continuing to wait for a fix at the top levels of the game seems fruitless. Cultivation at a much lower level, if done reasonably and patiently, may actually lead to some bounty at the pro level, in the future.
The NDP trotted out its “shadow cabinet” this week. Or, as the Tories call it, “cute.” Leader Jack Layton has vowed that his team will not heckle government speakers. But, I didn’t hear him rule out dressing in orange spandex bodysuits and dancing up on them.
People in Toronto won’t cheer for the Vancouver Canucks because the west dumps on Toronto all the time. Because of this, people in Vancouver will dump on Toronto. Because of that, people in Toronto won’t root for the Canucks. Because of that… (cue Elton john singing “Circle of Life.”)
[box border=”full”]Previously, in THE NUTSHELL[/box]
[box border=”full”]To read the next “THE NUTSHELL,” click here. [/box]
They’ve brought back the Volkswagen Beetle. They’ve brought back the Mini-Cooper. Now, dammit, it’s time. bring back the AMC Gremlin. Stylish, affordable and way cool. Tell me it isn’t prettier than the Nissan Cube.