Category Archives: music

The Gist Of It – August 3, 2011

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On “The Gist Of It” this week, Bill and Don discuss Nycole Turmel’s dual – party status, Margaret Atwood’s war with the Fords and The Sheepdogs’ landing on the cover of Rolling Stone. As well, they kick around the Argos’ season so far and the Jays’ adding of Colby Rasmus (and his dad). Don bombs the Leafs over the Ryerson arena deal while Bill takes on the 24-hour news cycle. Oh, and there’s the case of the Dunkin Donuts prostitute.

THE NUTSHELL: Food Fighting, Rickrolling And Doppleganging

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

POP CULTURE

Saw a billboard, the other day, advertising cottage cheese. The slogan: “Anything Goes.” Well, that’s certainly a bold statement. There’s a picture of a burger, slathered with cottage cheese. I can’t help but think Nordica cottage cheese’s new-found cockiness might run them afoul of Miracle Whip’s “we rough up burgers” and “we will not tone it down” mentality.

Condiment warfare: Are these guys "Cheesies" or "Whippies?"

Could this lead to a street fight, a la West Side Story? Should we fear a coming crossfire of cottage cheese and mayonaise-like substance on our streets anytime soon? Will rival factions turn our city into a giant food fight? Will our streets run white with the ooze of alternative burger toppings? Or worse? Is it possible that Nordica cottage cheese and Miracle Whip will fall in love with each other’s outlaw style and go on a Bonnie and Clyde crime spree? Is Nordica Woody Harrelson to Miracle Whip’s Juliette Lewis? Are they “Natural Born Fillers?” Don’t say you haven’t been warned. Start crafting your buzzwords for the looming crisis. Burg-ocalypse. Burger-geddon.

So, Jeopardy Host Alex Trebek foiled a burglary, did he? A woman snuck into his hotel room and tried to make off with cash and a few other items. Trebek awoke, and gave chase, but not before ensuring his, uh, microphone was not swinging in the breeze. “I realized immediately someone had been in the room. I put on my underwear and ran down the hall to see if I could find her.” Correct. Alex Trebek sleeps in the nude. Wonder if his wife makes it a true daily double. I also wonder if  Trebek interrupted when police starting reading the suspect her rights and asked “What is Miranda?”

POLITICS

The U.S. debt ceiling crisis may have some people nervous, others, poised. Apparently, 33 Mexican soldiers being carried in 4 Humvees were spotted on the American side of the border, in Texas. Might I suggest waiting for the U.S. to default before invading, guys?

Nycole Turmel? Or "Peter Pan"?

The White House has been accused of “Rickrolling” a concerned citizen. When a Twitterer messaged them to say the deficit ceiling news had become boring, the White House tweeted back:  “Fiscal policy is important, but can be dry sometimes. Here’s something more fun: tinyurl.com/y8ufsnp.” That link led the Twitterer to THIS. Unleashing that on an unsuspecting victim with a link is called “Rickrolling.” Have fun. Better than planking.

Toronto Councillor Doug Ford claimed he wouldn’t know Margaret Atwood if she walked by him on the street. That led Newstalk 1010 Host Jim Richards to invite listeners come up with titles likely to be found in a Doug Ford book club. Great premise, but, I take it more literally. If Doug had a book club, I do believe it would be a club with just one book. Of the comic variety. Or, an actual club that he’d use to beat up on books.

London Mayor Boris Johnson. Or...is it?

Sure, it may just be me. But, does anyone else think the NDP’s Interim Leader, Nycole Turmel, is a doppelgänger for Sandy Duncan? I think she’ll do a fine job, but, know who’d be a really great interim NDP Leader? Bob Rae. What’s he doing these days? While on the subject of look-a-likes, the “1 year to  the London Olympics” celebration seemed to be hosted by Gary Busey. What were Londoners thinking when they voted Mr. Joshua in as mayor?

 

SPORTS

Generally speaking, I abhor excessive and silly celebrations after goals or touchdowns. Because a goal or touchdown is a fairly usual thing in any game. Over-the-top celebrations of such events feel goofy. Imagine if we all went around doing that. Score a good parking space, right in front of the mall, get out and do a choreographed dance number. Barbecue a perfect steak, pull out a sharpie and sign a guest’s forehead. However, having said that, click here, for an exception, in my mind. An Icelandic soccer team with some creativity. The guy playing the flopping fish is particularly good.

The St John’s AHL team has a name. Former Newfoundland And Labrador Premier (and Club President) Danny Williams made the announcement, today. They’ll be called the St. John’s Ice Caps. I’m sure Tim Hortons is pleased.

Found out this week that NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman’s salary is $7.5 million. Actually, that only makes him slightly overpaid. After all, he played the same number of NHL games as Wade Redden last season.

FINAL THOUGHT

A company selling reproductions of Kate Middleton’s ring says each comes with a certificate of authenticity. They’re knock-offs. Shouldn’t that be a certificate of “not-thenticity”?

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The Gist Of It – July 27, 2011

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Don wonders how it is that Bill isn’t excited about the new movie “Cowboys and Aliens.” As well, the boys talk over the NFL’s new deal, the passing of Amy Winehouse, Canada’s tarnished image as a peacekeeper, the Winnipeg Jets’ new logo and the debt ceiling fiasco in the United States.

THE NUTSHELL: Too Hot To Bother

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

THE HEAT

The Don Valley Parkway, Toronto, Ont. July 21, 2011. 4:48 pm.

My apologies if this version of “The Nutshell” is a little shorter. It’s just too hot to type. Maybe if I moved my computer inside from the top of my barbecue. It’s just that, no one on tv told me I shouldn’t word process in this heat, so I guess it’s okay. I mean, they CONSTANTLY remind you to put on sunscreen, stay hydrated and look for a place where you can cool off, but no mention of not blogging on the top of your barbecue. So, I’ll keep going. Seriously. Could everyone on TV, in radio and in print STOP telling us we need to wear sunscreen, drink water, find shade and “not overdo it”? Or, are there really people out there who would forget to drink something if they feel thirsty?

A guy on tv said we could go and cool off at “one of Toronto’s 3 world-class water parks.” I didn’t even know there were different classes of water parks. And we’ve got three WORLD-CLASS ones? Suck on that, Paris. Eat it, New York City. Hey, London, how many world-class water parks are you rockin’? Thought so. Go cool off in “the tube,” or something.

Weather guy put a block of ice on the station parking lot last night, as an experiment. He did some weather, then the camera came back to that block of ice a wee bit later. There was a slightly smaller block of ice there, with a small puddle of water underneath it. It was melting. Oh, my, look what the heat can do. Important to remember, folks. If you’re taking your pet block of ice for a walk in this weather, first slather it with some sunscreen. And keep it hydrated. Oh, and for God’s sake, don’t let that block of ice overdo it.

 SPORTS

Tiger and Steve. "Misty, water-hazard memories..."

Tiger Woods dumped his long-time caddie, Steve Williams. Big mistake, Eldrick. What if Steve decides to write a tell-all book and you come out looking…  never mind.

 

POP CULTURE

Yesterday marked the 100th anniversary of the birth of Canadian super-brain, Marshall McLuhan. All he did was predict the internet 30 years before it happened. He also predicted that the continued advancements in communication would shrink the planet into a global village. He DID NOT predict that Twitter would unleash legions of “Global Village Idiots” on us. Well, maybe he did. Meantime, I chatted with McLuhan’s son, Michael, and tried to track down Marshall’s old couch, yesterday. You can read about it in my blog: “Where is Marshall McLuhan’s Couch?”

POLITICS

President Obama auctions off the state of Delaware at a debt-ceiling charity dinner.

With the temperatures soaring on Thursday, all trains in Toronto had to travel much more slowly, because the heat was so great, it actually expanded the rails. This meant that gravy deliveries to City Hall were delayed. Not to mention that the heat curdled the gravy.

U.S. President Barack Obama gave a speech, today, on that country’s looming debt crisis. Said Obama, of the possibility of defaulting: “The United States doesn’t run out without paying the tab. We pay our bills.”  Let’s hope so. Because you know that if they get evicted from their country, they’re all gonna need a place to stay. And we’re the rich relatives right now.

Silvio Berlusconi was denied in his bid to have his sex trial moved from a Milan court. I wonder what strip club was he hoping to hold it in?

FINAL THOUGHT

Global warming? More like global scorching. Or scalding. Hell, I don’t know. That’s it! Global helling.

[box border=”full”]To read a previous THE NUTSHELL, click here.[/box]

 

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The Gist Of It – July 20, 2011

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This week, the boys try to beat the heat. Or, more precisely, complain about it. Don thinks there’s an opportunity for weather greatness, while Bill can’t see it. The Rupert Murdoch pie is a topic of discussion, as are Argo Quarterback Cleo Lemon, Jays’ great Robbie Alomar and aggressive drivers. As well, the attraction of Darren Clarke, the greatness of Marshall McLuhan and…can you beat “Echo Beach?”

THE NUTSHELL: Harper And Ford In A New Boy Band? Clinton Cashes, Indy Crashes And “Owling” Takes Over From “Planking”

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

I rarely ride my bike. Should do it more often. So, this week, I pedaled it over to a friend’s place. In order to offset the possibly harmful effects of the exercise, on the way back, I pulled into KFC. Because I saw a sign for the “Double Down.” Bill Hayes and I had talked a wee bit about it on this week’s podcast (hear it here).  We also discussed the pulled pork parfait. Which is a real thing. And sounds like a good idea to me. The Double Down ought to be called the Double Back. Because it felt like my stomach was going to insist on a u-turn. I’m not saying there’s too much salt in that thing, but, if you tossed a Double Down into Lake Ontario, pretty sure you could then float on your back all the way to Rochester. Look. I like KFC. I’ve fond memories of being a kid and my parents ordering up the do it yourself buffet. Chicken, fries, gravy, macaroni salad and Grecian bread. Still have the old jingle rolling around in my noggin. But the Double Down (another name might be the “We Double Dare You To Try And Keep It Down”) is an experience I won’t have again. Put it this way: Woodstock was great and all, but you needed to stay away from the brown acid. Speaking of acid, I need to stop writing for a second so I can go pop another Zantac.

SPORTS

  • The Blue Jays traded Juan Rivera to the Los Angeles Dodgers for a player to be named later or cash considerations. Uh, cash considerations? From the bankruptcy-protected Dodgers? I think it’ll unfold this way: The Dodgers will consider giving the Jays cash. Their lawyers will consider that hilarious and tell them they don’t have any.

    The player to be named later? Maybe he'd offer Bautista a little protection in the batting order.

  • Plaxico Burress is targeting the Jets,Texans and Eagles as teams he’d like to play with. Of course, with his aim, he could wind up anywhere, really.
  • The Honda Indy, run through the streets of Toronto last weekend, was filled with crash after crash after crash. Dan Aykroyd was the Grand Marshal, so I guess it’s only fitting that everybody drove like it was dark and they were wearing sunglasses.
  • Why do punters run around in the end zone when conceding a safety even when their team is BEHIND? Isn’t that like detouring into a construction zone when you’re already late picking up your kid at daycare?

 

POLITICS

 

  • While playing cowboy at the Calgary Stampede, Prime Minister Harper also found time to pal around with Hollywood’s traditional cowboy foe. While visiting the Blood Tribe Of Alberta (I’d originally thought this was a nickname for the Conservative Party) he was made an honourary chief. His name: “Chief Speaker.”  No politician should be named anything other than “Chief Talking Point.” I don’t know about you, but seeing the Prime Minister in a head dress and knowing full well his prodigious musical chops, I think he’d be an excellent member of a Canadian version of The Village People.

    "Am I delighted to be here? And how."

    Where Rob Ford might fit in, I haven’t quite figured out yet. Can he sing? We know he can dance. Proved it at the launch for the festival formerly known as Caribana. (Scroll down the page in that link a bit to see the video) The mayor danced with some fully costumed flamboyant revellers. Kinda like the Pride Parade. Bet he’s sorry he missed that now. At any rate, if he joins the Canadian version of Village People, we can rewrite the lyrics to their signature hit “YMCA” for him. “It’s fun to REE-move the Jaaaar-vis bike lanes, it’s fun to REE-move the – uh, Jaaarvis bike lay-anes….” I grant you, forming a letter “B” with your body wouldn’t be easy.

  • Apparently, Bill Clinton has made just under 76 million dollars, in speaking fees alone, since leaving the White House 10 years ago. Maybe he ought to be named Chief Speaker. Clinton charges an average of $181,000.00 per speech. More, I’m told, if you want him to do his dead-on impression of Hillary. The magic tricks he does for free because, you know, chicks dig it.

POP CULTURE

  • Tom Hanks met the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge earlier this week. Hope that, when he shook his hand, Hanks bellowed: “WILLIAAAAAAAM!”
  • Conrad Black has been ordered back to prison by September 6th. Well, at least he’ll still be able to march in the Labour Day Parade.
  • They ran with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, again. Kids’ play. Because, in Denia, Spain, they have a little thing known as diving with the bulls. Yes. When you run with bulls, they can merely trample or gore you to death. Diving bulls can trample, gore OR drown you. That’s a man’s game.

    "Owling." Where's a rampaging bull when you really need one?

  • Apparently, “planking” is over. It’s so 2011. Or, so earlier 2011. It’s being replaced with – wait for it – “owling.” People crouch on things, or perch, like an owl. then snap a picture and send it to everybody and hilarity ensues. No thanks. No planking, no owling. I’ll wait for something really cool, like “raccooning,” where people take pictures of their buddies eating out of somebody’s green bin at 3 in the morning.
  • A guy tried to sue the CBC and Dragons’ Den because some of the Dragons were mean to him.  They didn’t like his idea and spurned him gruffly, with one of the Dragons, Jim Treliving (Boston Pizza) telling him he was “blowing air up a dead horse’s ass.” (Another possible photo alternative to planking) I love how, in the Globe and Mail story I’ve linked to, that line is followed by “He did not receive the investment he sought.” Right. Because Jim sells pizza. But if he ever does get into the business of blowing air up dead horses’ asses, I like the guy’s chances of a triumphant return to The Den.

FINAL THOUGHT

Headline: “Toronto Overtakes Vancouver As Canada’s Most Expensive City.” I think Vancouver was slowed by bridge traffic.

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THE NUTSHELL: Shakespeare A Pothead? Obama Tweets And Kate Gets Gripped

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

POP CULTURE

  • An anthropologist from South Africa, by the name of Francis Thackeray, would like to know if William Shakespeare should actually have been named William Bakespeare. He has a theory that the bard partook in the smoking of the marijuana, and that an exhumation of Bill’s bones can definitively answer the question.

    Doobie, or not doobie?

    I, myself, am a little conflicted on the issue. It seems to me that if Shakespeare smoked pot, his most famous soliloquy would actually have read: “To be or not to be….ummm…what was the question?” However, let’s dig deeper and explore the possibilities. I can easily make the case that Shakespeare was often high, without having to disturb his 400 year slumber. A floating dagger, Faeries (I believe that is the correct Shakespearean spelling), a donkey-headed man…. Hello, yeah, had to be the dope. In Romeo and Juliet: “What light through yonder window breaks….” It WAS Juliet, but probably the glow off her spliff. King Lear wasn’t mad when he took a stroll in the storm, it was just a bad trip. When Lady Macbeth cried “out damned spot…” she probably had just dropped an ash on the bedspread. Don’t even get me started on “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” That’s just one long, long, continuous bong hit. Maybe it’s just much ado about puffing. Mr. Thackeray, if you really want to investigate a dead writer’s drug habits, go with Dickens. Had a character named Marley in “A Christmas Carol.”

  • The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (great little starting point – maybe one day they’ll be the Count and Countess of Kitchener) stopped off in the Territories during their Royal Tour. William took part in a ball hockey game and went oh for 3 on penalty shots. If these were the good old days, the goaltender would have immediately been escorted to the gallows. A breach of protocol occurred when Kate stood a little too close to the stick rack and was mistakenly grabbed by a young player and used to win a critical face-off.
  • Lady Gaga decided to sport some full underarm hair, dyed green. Nothing I haven’t seen at a Saskatchewan Roughriders game. Actually, wearing a hollowed out watermelon on her head would probably be a fairly blaise thing for her to do.

POLITICS

"What the hell? I thought we shut down Weiner's Congressional Twitter account."

  • Statistics Canada released a poll this week, with results based on reasons given by eligible voters as to why they didn’t exercise their right to political choice. Nearly 4% said they merely “forgot.” The Prime Minister immediately appointed them to The Senate. Over 50% just couldn’t really be bothered. Guess Rick Mercer could have done more. He could have physically taken people to the polls.
  • Barack Obama held a Twitter Town Hall this week. His first answer to a tweeted question was 2,300 characters long. That’s about 2,160 characters too many. Obama may be a good President, but, he’s no Richard Nixon when it comes to editing.

SPORTS

  • Ron Artest is seeking to legally change his name to Metta World Peace. I’d poke some fun at this, but it’s just nice to see a pro athlete making a court appearance that doesn’t involve a plea bargain.
  • Dillon is a fictional town. A good thing, too. Because if it were real, how could it ever overcome the incredible ongoing drama that was, Friday Night Lights. The critically acclaimed television show about the best little field house in Texas, airs its final episode tonight. next Friday. Political intrigue and backstabbing, a self-defense killing, racial disharmony, drug scandals, unwanted teen pregnancy, jail terms, affairs, fist fights…how in the hell did they ever find time for football?  So long, coach Taylor. Thanks for the hospitality, Tammy. I got used to reuniting with that big, beautiful, dysfunctional gridiron family every Spring. I’ll miss y’all. What I may miss most – that way cool opening theme song, by Snuffy Walden.

FINAL THOUGHT

I think William is taking this “Duke” thing to a John Wayne level. And, hey, isn’t that Debra Winger from “Urban Cowboy”?

 [box border=”full”]To see a previous “THE NUTSHELL,” click here.[/box]

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THE NUTSHELL: A Royal Rodeo, A Bruins’ Bender And Jack Layton Mellencamp

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

POP CULTURE

  • Marvel Comics decided to kill off Spiderman, in its “Ultimate” series comics. Not believable. I think the Broadway show “Turn Off The Dark” proved with great finality, that you can’t kill Spiderman. Seriously injure him, sure. But not kill.
  • A report surfaced claiming that Megan Fox was fired from “Transformers 3” because she compared  director Michael Bay to Adolf Hitler. If Bay were, in fact, like Hitler, it’d be great to see him work with Christian Bale. Fox was, apparently, fired by the producer of “Transformers 3, ” a guy named Stephen Spielberg. Complaining, in public, that your boss is like Hitler …well, her name is Megan Fox, not Megan Brainsurgeon.
  • Oh, look, coming into view, below and on the left, is the Boston Bruins’ bar bill from last Saturday night. I hear it’s quite something.
  • The dating website beautifulpeople.com claimed it was hacked, and that led to some 30 thousand er, undesirables, I guess, being allowed to post profiles on their exclusive site. Nobody panic, the glitch has been found and all the non-beauts have been kicked. So, the shallow end has been chlorinated. Crisis averted. My, that Bruins’ bar bill is long, isn’t it?
  • Some folks got together to paint a giant headshot of Roger Federer in a field. It illustrated him with a bit of a beard. Then they covered the bottom half of the face with foam. Then cut it with a lawnmower. It’s quite fascinating to see, really. Since it was done on grass, Roger comes out looking good. Had it been done on clay, the giant mural would’ve looked like Rafael Nadal kicking his butt. Seriously? That bar bill is STILL going?!
  • In the end, the NDP decided NOT to drop the word “socialist” or “socialism” from its constitution. Good. It’d be like John Mellencamp. Sure, he dropped the stage name, but, in the end, we all know he’s a Cougar. They also decided not to rule out a merger with the Liberals. Although, at this point, a merger between the NDP and Libs would be like a “merger” between Facebook and this blog. Wow. FINALLY, we get to the end of that bar bill. ONE Kami Kazi?! Really? And you call that a celebration? Who ordered the Amstel, for cryin’ out loud?

SPORTS

  • A thought or two on that big bar bill 6 of the Boston Bruins ran up last Saturday: There were 18 sugar-free Red Bulls on there. Red Bull has a sugar-free version?! What’s the point? I’d have thought that, if anything, Red Bull would have had a “sugar-enhanced” version. If you look closely, about 2/3 of the way down the tab, you’ll see that ONE bottle of champagne was “complimentary.” Nice to know that, if you spend 150 thousand dollars at a bar, they’ll comp you a bit of the bubbly. It was probably Baby Duck.
  • We are at the crossroads between sports, politics and pop culture. The Royal Visit is nearly upon us. There will be some protests, particularly in Quebec, when Kate and William make the rounds. There may also be demonstrations at the Calgary Stampede, where the Royals will participate in the event’s parade. I’m hoping the Stampede catches “Royal Fever” and introduces a corgi-roping competition. While we’re at it, replace the chuckwagon races with landau races and the rodeo clowns with court jesters. And, instead of bareback bronc busting, make it piggyback Royal Guard busting.

FINAL THOUGHT

Those amphibious “duckboats” that the Bruins rode in for their Stanley Cup Parade are really the automotive equivalent of “Crocs.” What would have been cooler? Way cooler? This.

 

[box border=”full”]To see a previous “Nutshell” click here[/box]

[box border=”full”]This week’s podcast, “The Gist Of It.”[/box]

The Gist Of It – June 22, 2011

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In this episode, Bill and Don try to wrap their heads around the Boston Bruins’ bar tab, discuss Roger Ebert’s ill-timed tweet and talk about Toronto’s status as an also-ran sports town. As well, Don’s excitement about the Royal Visit and a discussion about internet “shaming.”

THE NUTSHELL: The Riots, Canoe Dancing And The Selling Of Toronto

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A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

SPORTS

  • Well, I suppose it has to come under the banner of sports, but, the rioting in Vancouver only lands in this category because of its proximity to Game 7 of the Cup Final. Watching a group of a-holes jump up and down on a police car, I got to thinking that if there was any justice in the world at all, one (or preferably more) of them would bust an ankle, or an arm. If there was justice, it’d be one of these clowns that suffered a compression fracture of the vertebrae, or a concussion, not Mayson Raymond or Nathan Horton. To those of you rocket surgeons who posted your pictures and proud anarchy status updates on Facebook, I say “bravo.” You are just as smart as I figured you were. To the VAST majority of Vancouverites who would never partake in this garbage and are, in fact, embarrassed by this criminal nonsense, don’t be. There are morons everywhere. It would be nice to be inoculated against that kind of gene pool pollution, but no city is immune.
Mason Raymond. You know, if it were me, I’d wear that thing UNDER my shirt to make it look like I’ve got ripped abs.

 

  • Speaking of Mayson Raymond, did you see him at Game 7? For a moment, I wondered if he was actually one of the many entertainment celebs that had graced the Stanley Cup Final. Perhaps, one of the injured cast members of “Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark.”
  • NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman really got an earful at the Cup presentation, didn’t he? That was some lusty booing. But, I wonder if he considers it a success considering he only had two shoes, an iPhone and one “Green Guy” thrown at him. Bettman could have avoided this, if he’d only taken one of my suggestions, and done the Cup presentation up right.
  • Steve Nash fired out this tweet, just before Game 7 started: Nerves. Excitement. Longing. Pride. It feels like the night I entered manhood….@vancanucks. Wonder if that night turned out the same for Steve as did Wednesday for Canuck fans. Incredible anticipation followed by an inglorious exit and, perhaps, some crying.
Make that outfit out of sequins and you’ve got an Olympic sport.

POP CULTURE

  • Watching the Colbert Report the other night, I saw a piece on something that I didn’t even know existed. Freestyle canoeing. But, I like to call it “canoe dancing.” Have a look, (the guy’s routine starts at about the 1:15 mark) then come back for  some smart ass comments. Okay. This has now taken over from “extreme ironing” as my favourite niche sport. I think it’s a sport. Could be an art. Or, an affliction. As great as this is, I think they could ramp up the attractiveness, just a bit, by adding a portage portion to the competition. Guy, on land, dances up to the shore, spinning the thing over his head like it’s Jamie Sale. Can’t wait for the “reality” show based on this, “Dancing with the Oars.” They could pair paddling celebrities with freestyle canoe pros. Silken Laumann, Marnie McBean, Adam Van Koeverden, all doing the watercraft equivalent of “Battle of the Blades.” Heck, let’s make it ex-NHLers and call it “Paddle of the Blades.”

 

  • Arby’s and Wendy’s will no longer be affliated. It’ll be a contentious divorce, with a pitched battle over who gets custody of the cholesterol.
  • The “Webby” awards were handed out this week. Acceptance speeches were restricted to 5 words. That keeps the show moving, and ensures Kanye West has very little chance of interrupting a winner’s speech. “I’ma let ya finish…but… ‘Proxy.org’ had one of the best proxy servers of ALL TIME!!”
  • The movie “Super 8” is tops at the box office. About time they did something to answer the competition. I mean, “Holiday Inn” came out, what, 70 years ago? Can’t wait for the blockbuster “Radisson.”

POLITICS

Doug Ford (L) and Mayor Rob Ford discuss how much they think they could get for selling ad space on Councillor Denzil Minnan-Wong’s lapels.
  • Rob and Doug Ford floated an idea, down at City Hall. Raise some much needed cash by selling the naming rights to some city-owned properties, like subway stations. Some of them wouldn’t even have to change their name. Dupont, Yorkdale, Woodbine, Royal York. Others would need just a wee tweak: Mr. Christie (thanks for that one, Anne), St. Clairol, Victoria’s Secret Park, Humber College, Old Mill Street Brewery and Elmwood Spa-dina. My personal favourite comes from Global TV’s Jackson Proskow: Bed Bathurst and Beyond. (Note: After I published this blog, Jackson let me know that I should credit “The Torontoist” for the Bed, Bathurst and Beyond line. so, consider it done.) It’s a good idea. Let’s start by selling the naming rights to the mayor. And take Ford Motor Company out of the equation. Not nearly fun enough.
  • Anthony Weiner has resigned. Now that he’s got so much spare time on his hands… oh boy.
  • Yet ANOTHER woman has come forward to say that she got dirty messages from Weiner. Geezuz, this guy is the Tiger Woods of sex scandals. No, wait. Tiger Woods is the Tiger Woods of sex scandals. Right now, Tiger is the Anthony Weiner of golf.
  • Weiner’s media conference was kind of bizarre, in that, in the face of all that heckling, the man who posted crotch shots on the internet came across as, well, dignified. The conference reminded me of one of my all time favourite political hecklings. Poor Ben Konop, who ran for mayor of Toledo. While trying to address the media, some goofball who looked like one of the Klopek’s from the movie “the ‘Burbs” kept riding Ben from a chair on his porch. The video is here.

FINAL THOUGHT

“Woofstock” was held in Toronto last weekend. Bunch of long-haired Shih Tzus and their rock and roll and their peace and free love crap. Get a haircut, you hippies!

 

[box border=”full”]To see a previous “THE NUTSHELL, click here[/box]