Category Archives: Humour

What’s That Orange Blur?

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“I am NOT amused”

 

I used to say that the NDP might as well change its name to the SOL, for all the hope it had of ever accomplishing anything at the federal level. But, the latest poll from EKOS is astounding. Really? 100 seats possible? Who’d have thought that, at this late stage of the race, the guy with the bum hip would be the one with the late kick?

Michael Ignatieff must be apoplectic. He’s been ambling along in second, mud flying in his face, trying to keep Stephen Harper’s haunches firmly in sight. (He’d probably have mixed emotions about that, as would we all.)

What’s he get for it? A wicked rap in the shins from Jack’s cane as Layton blows by him.

Now, this poll may be the fabled 20th out of 20 poll. You know, the one that AIN’T the “plus or minus 5 per cent, 19 times out of 20” poll. But if it foretells something incredible and historic, it’s very bad, indeed, for Michael Ignatieff. I won’t say that his leadership of the Liberals will have jumped the shark, necessarily. But I’d be damn sure that, somewhere, Henry Winkler was putting on his water skis.

Easter Weekend musings

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Let My People Tweet

Watching “The Ten Commandments” last night (Well, last night AND early this morning. It’s 3 hours and 40 minutes long WITHOUT commercials), my mind wandered just  a wee bit and I started to wonder how this epic tale might have been told in real-time, had Twitter been around. Specifically, the key moment which sees Moses and his flock pressed up against the Red Sea, the Egyptian army closing in:

@burningbush: Think we’re screwed. Red Sea in front, Ramses behind. Moses’ win streak ending.

Moments later:

@burningbush: Moses just turned his back. Raising hands. Is he surrendering?! Wussy, IMHO.

@burningbush: OMG! Game changer! Moses parting Red Sea! Anybody skyping this!? #winning

 Eggnatieff v. Hopper

Instead of some 300 million dollars worth of repetitive, hollow rhetoric, we could have settled our governmental squabble with a Parliament Hill Easter Egg Hunt. 308 eggs, 5 party leaders, NHL headshot rules in effect. Most eggs forms a government. Simple.

I’d normally like Jack Layton in such a contest. He’s savvy and scrappy. A competition like this could bring out the street fighter in him. But, with that hip continuing to slow him down, I couldn’t bet on him.

Michael Ignatieff? No chance. He’d waste much of his hunt time trying to launch a study group discussion on exactly how the rules should be interpreted. Maybe even write an essay, while eggs were gobbled up all around him.

Gilles Duceppe would not take part at all, instead sitting on the steps under the Peace Tower, complaining that the game is rigged against him.

Elizabeth May would not likely find a single egg. Despite being somewhat capable, she’d start too slowly, being quite astonished that she’d been invited to take part in the first place.

And then there’s Stephen. With Layton’s physical advantage compromised, I’d like his chances. And, if there’s anyone who knows how to manipulate the rules on Parliament Hill to their advantage, it’s the PM. A basketful for him. But be careful what you wish for, Mr. Harper. Those egg management fees can be a killer.

Funky Walker, Pious Talker

Sure, at times it looks a bit like “Mod Squad: The Musical.”

But I have to say, in all seriousness, that I think “Jesus Christ, Superstar” is a GREAT film.

Terrific songs, exceptionally talented actors and, let’s face it, one hell of a plot. So what if they ended it with the crucifixion, instead of the resurrection. They were probably thinking sequel.

He Is Risen And Everythink

Final word (sort of) to Donald S. Cherry, who, on Saturday night said (and I quote): “You can’t beat Jesus.”

So true. No lead is safe against him. He’s proven to be one of the best comeback artists of all time.

 

 

Getting Into The Spirit In Edmonton

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Click here to see the original CFL.ca article

You know something has to be good if, during Grey Cup Week, you set alarm for 6:45 am in order to attend. The Spirit of Edmonton Breakfast, at the Shaw Conference Centre did not disappoint.  What follows is a timeline of some of my personal highlights:

7:39 – Entered the ballroom.  The band was playing “Roadhouse Blues” at an incredible volume.  For a moment,  I think it’s still last night.

8:02 – Master of Ceremonies Mark Scholz performs the ceremonial Bailey’s cap removal.  Sorry, Mark, I’d removed mine 20 minutes earlier.

8:04 – A call goes out for any Newfoundlanders in the room.  One guy stands up and hollers.  Holy smokes..is that…DANNY WILLIAMS!? (I could be
wrong)

8:09 –  Food line opens.  As I make my way toward the buffet, I inadvertently cross through the Castrol dancers as they are about to begin. Emcee yells at me to get off  the dance floor.  Hey, I’m with ya, buddy, nobody needs to see that.

8:29 – The first Sluice Juice sighting! About time!

8:29 and 10 seconds – I want another Sluice Juice!

8:45 – The Calgary Stampeder cheerleaders hit the floor in skimpy halter tops.  Sadly, I’d already seen two guys in similar outfits.  And neither was Henry Burris.

9:03 – The question is asked: “Who’s leaving here and going to work hammered?”
A lot, I mean a LOT of hands go up.  Enjoy a productive day of commerce, Edmonton.

9:04 – A Ukrainian dance troupe takes the floor.  Their choregraphy is so good, I see Arland Bruce feverishly taking notes in preparation for next season’s touchdown celebrations.

9:05 – Isn’t my typing remarkably good after that much Sluice Juice?

9:06 – Isn’t my typing remarkably…uhh…oh yeah.

9:32 – Blue Bomber cheerleader asks if I’d like to buy a calendar.  I say “sure, if you’ll buy one of mine.”  She backpedals like Byron Parker.

9:45 – Here comes the Eskimo Cheer Team.  Seriously, they might be the best on the planet. I mean, somebody alert Guy Laliberte, he could build an entire Cirque De Soleil show based on their exploits.

They lift Spirit  Chairman Bruce Keltie up so high…that he could almost see eternity (gosh, I love Anne Murray).

10:32 – Okay, I’m back after a power nap.  What’d I miss?

10:33 – Bagpipers!  Love it!  Fire it up, guys!

10:34 – Okay, I DO love bagpipes.  But after a night of carousing and several goblets of sluice, the old noggin’ can’t take it.  Time to beat a hasty retreat.  Well done, Spirit!  You are the Danny Williams of breakfast parties. Yes, that IS a compliment.

[box type=”info”]Link: Getting Into The Spirit, CFL.ca[/box]